The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
