in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
