So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
