I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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