u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
