he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
