She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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