The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
