When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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