He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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