Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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