woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
