So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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