she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
