my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
