I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
