So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
