All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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