She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
