I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
