Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
