U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
