If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
