Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
