Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
