last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize