So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
