nut hugger
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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