His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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