i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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