when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
