Tell her she can't have a vagina
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
