I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
