I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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