Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
