Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
