Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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