1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
