even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
