all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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