I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
