Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize