I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
organizing the empties. That sober.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
