im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
