We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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