I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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