so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
please don't ironically join a cult
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