Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
