WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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