Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
