Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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