she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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