yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
