Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
