Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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