I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize