10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Someone came in the potted fern
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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