so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
and you fell through a lawn chair
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
