My room smells like vodka and shame
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
