did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
