Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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