You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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