i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
