Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
