i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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