I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
