Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
