Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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