just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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