Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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