508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
