Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
