Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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