I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
