She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
