I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
