My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
