My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize