that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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