Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is Oprah even human
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
