I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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