She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
