Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
