Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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