Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
