I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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