Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize