We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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