Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
