The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize