Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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