And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My pussy is not your playground.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize