I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Let's get the cat blown out
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
