you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize