I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
