Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
